My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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