Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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