is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
