Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
