I'm passing your future prison.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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