just tell him i said nine months
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
