Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
