he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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