I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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