I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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