so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
