I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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