yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
