At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
