I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
