So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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