Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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