Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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