First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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