if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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