community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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