well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
