Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
