Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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