i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
