I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
