I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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