Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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