Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this is an emotional support booty call
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
