I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
