Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
