I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
