Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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