You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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