You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
