so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
