I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
