doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
