You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
operation have a gay friend backfired
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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