Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
