I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
