Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
