i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
