Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
