I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
