i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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