Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
