I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
