the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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