So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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